I remember the exact feeling of being so close to the real world yet so far away from where I wanted to be in life. I was beginning my senior year of undergrad at Loyola University New Orleans and felt so far away from everything I wanted, depressed because I may have wasted four years of my life and didn’t have a single fucking idea of how I was going to turn a dream into a reality. There aren’t many feelings in the world worse than knowing you have the talent and ability to do something but don’t have the resources to showcase those said talents. That’s where I was at in life. I knew writing for a premier hip-hop and pop culture blog was what I wanted to do, I knew I was good enough but continued to watch every passing internship application period pass without getting a call back, every freelance writing position gig get filled. I just wanted an opportunity, but nothing seemed to break my way. So that’s when I officially got tired of feeling sorry for myself and decided to take matters into my own hands.
In August 2016 I started my own personal blog, kamhay.com, where I was going to write about everything that interested me and that my world revolved around. That happened to be hip-hop. If jobs and work weren’t becoming available for me, I was just going to do it myself and make it happen on my own. Before this blog I had written for my school’s renowned newspaper, The Maroon, but I never felt like I was able to fully be myself and write about the topics that I wanted to. This blog was going to be my outlet, to create my own voice as a writer and really allow myself to fuck up, with freedom, while also grow and challenge myself. There was no vision for the blog, no idea of where it would lead me, but it was going to be mine and allow me to do what I loved to do on my own terms. From late August 2016 to June 2017 I produced 17 blog posts that either centered around hip-hop and R&B album reviews and think pieces, or interviews with local budding creatives. I wasn’t being paid for any of this work but the gratification I felt from just completing a story about the latest Future album was enough for me.
Over the course of nine months this blog opened up doors for me that I had been so desperately trying to kick down myself. The work I created on this very blog led to my first true internship writing for a local New Orleans hip hop and culture blog Shive Magazine which I will forever be thankful for. I began writing for them in November 2016 and that opportunity was the first of substance that I was really able to feel comfortable with placing on my resume and portfolio. The stories I produced for Shive would eventually set me up for where I am today.
Anybody who has known me for the past five years knows Complex was my ultimate goal. Complex is the dopest pop culture and hip-hop blog there is on the internet, and I figured if I was going to write about both of those things for a living I needed to set the bar high. It is where I have always wanted to be and where I always envisioned myself, I just didn’t know how to get there. I had applied for every freelance writing position and every editorial internship that was made available during that time span and every single time I got the same response, or lack thereof. I even applied for writing positions at First We Feast and I literally know nothing about food besides chicken and french fries. Fast forward to June 2, 2017, when Complex News Director Shante Cosme posted a tweet stating that she was in need of an intern. In need of a writing sample and a detailed explanation of why I wanted to work at Complex, I was overzealous and spelled her name wrong in the email I sent over to her. But that email contained two writing samples, both from this very blog. Four days later Shante called me back and offered me the position. I have thanked her on numerous occasions and I’m sure she’s probably tired of it, but she saw something in me when nobody else really did. For that I am eternally thankful and grateful. I’ve spent the past three months working in Manhattan, getting bylines for the publication I said wanted to write for. It is surreal.
Everybody’s path is different, I’m from St. Louis, MO. It’s not a glamorous large market, it’s in the middle of America where rappers don’t even come for concerts anymore. But I was determined to make something out of nothing and get to where I wanted to be. I’m not comfortable and i’m far from satisfied, but I did prove to myself that I can do this and that anything is attainable. And the first step in making all of this happen was creating my own path, I wasn’t going to continue to keep hoping something fell into my lap. This blog was me creating my own path, creating my own voice, taking control of my own destiny in a sense. Anybody who has ever read a story I have posted here, or is even reading this one, I love you and I thank you. This shit grew from just my mom reading my stories to eventually what felt like the whole city of St. Louis. This blog changed my life a year ago, and hopefully continues to change it for years to come. God Bless.
Kameron A. Hay
Kameron Hay 